Tale of the Tape: Core Conversions versus the Japanese Marathon Monks
‘Morning, GonzoBankers! The holiday season has the Valley of the Sun in its temperate grip – with the Scottsdale set brushing off their black leather jackets and the Phoenix crowd donning Kevlar Santa gear as we dodge bullets and carjackings. With holiday shopping and in-laws stressing you out as much as your year-end numbers, I thought I’d keep it light this week.
Last month, I called a client who had undergone a core conversion three weeks previous. Needless to say, he was a basket case. “Scott,” he moaned, “That was the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I’ve been beaten like a rented stepchild.”
Mixed metaphors aside, I have nothing but respect for our clients who knowingly put themselves through the pain and suffering of a core conversion. They’re some farsighted, tough folks.
Then I read about a group of people who surely can give these hardy bankers a run for their money. In the Tendai sect of Buddhism, there is a group of monks called “Kaihigyo” who undergo a mind-blowing, seven-year journey in pursuit of spiritual enlightenment. A couple bullets on what these marvels do*:
- The first year starts with a paltry 40 km per day for 100 straight days.
- They work up to years four and five, when they run the same distance for 220 straight days – a marathon a day for more than six months.
- By year six, the Kaihigyo are up to 60 km for 100 days straight.
- In year seven, the monks are moving along at a clip of 84 km per day for 100 straight days – two marathons a day for 100 days.
- And, by the way, the monks aren’t burdened by any Nikes weighing them down. No, they do all of this in homemade straw sandals.
Yowza. That’ll give the core conversion a run for its money. Who’s tougher – banks that endure core conversions or the Kaihigyo? Read on for details and GonzoBanker’s latest Tale of the Tape …
| Category |
Core Convertees |
Kaihigyo |
Who’s Tougher? |
| It’s a quest for…. |
• Cooler technology |
Spiritual enlightenment and trotting along the path of Buddha toward a personal reawakening |
Core Convertees – reawakening is one thing, but tight integration??!! |
| Duration |
6 – 9 months |
7 years |
Kaihigyo – Gotta give this one to the monks. The Kaihigyo take longer to complete their quest than an entire core contract’s duration. |
| Cost |
$1 million – $5 million |
3,211 pairs of straw sandals, 7 years of your life… with no drinking or smoking |
Kaihigyo |
| Mild Setbacks |
PIN offsets are missing |
Screaming case of blisters, hip pain, hobbling shin splints, diarrhea, hemorrhoids |
Core Convertees |
| Moment of Truth |
The a.m. of day #2 when the trial balance gets its first read |
The “doiri” – a period of 9 days with no water, food, sleep or rest |
Kaihigyo – You don’t find your goal by the end of day 9, you ain’t gonna find it |
| Popular T-shirt Slogans |
“Data Map Naked! I Survived Conversion 2003!” “Program Managers Do It On Time and On Budget” |
“Slogging for Enlightenment – Kaihigyo 2003” “Kaihigyo Do It at Altitude Under Great Duress.” (Ed.: That one was lost in translation.) |
Kaihigyo – None of these is one bit tough, but the one we lost in translation is very menacing in its native Japanese |
| If you fail….. |
Mass customer migration after K-Mart announces to a full store that your bank’s debit cards do not work and that your customers must either pay with cash or leave the store immediately and empty-handed. |
Mandatory suicide by either disembowelment or hanging |
Core Conversion – The Kaihigyo’s pain ends much too quickly |
Core convertees, you lose to the Kaihigyo by the width of a blood blister, but we salute you nonetheless. Watch for an article by our newest contributor, Tripp Johnson, next week – followed by the much awaited and oft-imitated GonzoBanker Awards on Dec. 19 th . Don’t miss it!
-smh
* Thanks to James Davis of the London Observer for background info on the Kaihigyo.